Mirrors
by wirshari
Summary: Story on Luke having to choose between Reid and Noah.


Luke sat at the edge of his bed and stared at the three large rectangular mirrors that floated in a semi-circle in front of him, they each showed a reflection of his empty room and in each appeared was a name written in gold lettering, Reid, Noah and Colonel. He knew this was a dream he had had it every night for days, but never venturing to enter or touch any of the mirrors. Today he decided to enter the mirrors maybe it would stop the dreams, he needed to know what they meant. He decided to start with the mirror on the right the one that said Reid. He first placed his hand and felt a dry humidity, it felt like liquid mercury. He passed through and stood in his empty room he had seen reflected, he heard the shower and entered the bathroom, he saw himself brushing his teeth and looking over at Reid saying " You have to hurry or we will be late for the fund-raiser?" Reid just shook his head trying to hide his smile " Well whose fault is that?" He saw himself laugh, a true full laugh, he did not remember the last time he had laughed that way, saying "Well, it's your fault you look so sexy in a tux." he heard himself say. Then a haze appeared and they were entering the hotel it felt like a fade in or flash forward they used in filming. The Hotel felt strange an odd silence seemed to surround them no-one was around and the reception area was deserted. "That's odd" the two Lukes said simultaneously, then Luke heard a noise and turned to see someone wearing a mask pointing a gun at them, then motioning them towards the restaurant. As they walked backwards there was a commotion at the entrance. It was Jack, he drew his gun and ordered the man to put the gun down, the gunman fired sending Jack diving for the floor and Luke and Reid trying to escape, the commotion made the gunman turn and aimed at Luke, as he did so Reid was able to knock him out of the way but the bullet hit him in the leg. The gunfire meant the rest of the gunmen came running into the reception firing their guns and screaming. Jack was calling for backup, Luke having momentarily lost consciousness came too, realizing they were near the elevator he was able to drag Reid in, "Reid are you alright. I see blood" Reid just shook his head "I got shot in the leg it's nothing, you just wanted to get me in the elevator, you and elevators" Reid tried to stand and couldn't he was bleeding profusely, Reid was going very pale. "The bullet must have hit the femoral artery. Luke I need you to apply pressure to try and stop the bleeding" there followed Reid giving instruction and Luke doing his best but Reid seemed to be getting weaker and weaker. "No, this is not going to happen, you promised me you were going to grow old with me, come on Reid, you can fight this" he saw himself cradle Reid in his arms and then he heard Reid whisper, "Luke, I have to say something, I love you, you changed my life, you made me whole, I ..." Reid stammered. The doors opened and there stood Margo, gun drawn, when she realized it was Luke and Reid "Luke, Reid are you boys alright?" Luke wailed, "Reid's been shot help him!" again the scene filled with fog and they were at the hospital. Reid was in intensive care and Bob was talking to Luke, "I'm sorry Luke, but Reids gone, the loss of blood, the resulting infection, we did our best but there is nothing we could do. Luke, so if you want to say goodbyes." He watched himself stiffly walk towards Reid, and kiss him, the only word he uttered was "Forever".

Luke looked around and he was again in his room and there in front of him were the floating mirrors. The mirror that said Reid was now dark, the name was missing. Luke took a breath, he did not know if he wanted to continue but he could not sit and look at that dark mirror the anguish was too real. He decided to enter the second mirror, again the same feeling and again he was in his room, but everything was quiet, there was no one there. A knock on the door, "Luke are you home" he heard his mother ask, then a muffled sound and the door opened, seeing the bed made and no indication of anyone being there Lily turned slightly "He didn't sleep here last night Holden" she said in a defeated voice. The doorbell rung and Holden rushed down. He called up, "It's Chris he has Luke with him". He followed his mother down the stairs and gasped at the sight of himself. He was emaciated, his face was puffy and his eyes bloodshot, he hair was matted and he had a few days stubble, his clothes were in a state it looked like he had been rolling around in mud, even though he had no sense of odour the looks on his parents faces said it all. "Where did you find him "Holden asked. Chris replied that he had gone down town with Katie who was doing a story on how the homeless suffer in this cold weather and saw him in a alleyway, they had taken him to the hospital, but he had become extremely agitated and they thought maybe if he were home Chris could see how bad it was. Lily just wept and Holden just shook his head, "We've tried everything to get him to stop, I don't think he's been sober a day since the funeral" Holden sighed. Chris was sitting next to Luke's bed keeping an eye on him after they had cleaned him up and done the best they could to clean up the sores on his hands and body from the rough treatment Luke gave his body, his hands which had been covered by gloves were the worst they were heavily bruised and it seemed like he had sprained if not broken at least two of his fingers. Bob walked in and gently touched Chris' shoulder, "Chris, you can go now, I brought a nurse Lily and Holden hired they have organized round the clock medical assistance. You need to rest, you have to finish recuperating from your last bout of antivirals, what Luke is going through is terrible and I wish we could help but Luke needs to find the will to fight back, only he can stop doing this to himself." At the mention of his illness Chris slumped further into the chair, "Dad, I have to tell you something, you know how I was sick long before you found out. Well Reid was the one that bulldozed me into telling you and Mom and Katie, he and Luke were the ones that looked up treatments and you know that Luke sponsored the trial I was on that worked. How can I live my life happily knowing that the grief that is killing Luke is for the person who saved me and not do anything?" A few hours later their quiet vigil of Luke was interrupted with by noise coming from the hall and then the door opened revealing Noah, who looked exhausted. "Where did you find him? How is he?" Chris and Bob both shook their heads "Not good" replied Chris. "I have been to every bar and alleyway looking for him since Lily called to say he was missing, it wasn't until then that I knew how bad it was. Where did you ..." Noah was interrupted by Luke entering into convulsions.

Again Luke was in his room, and the mirror that said Noah had turned dark and the name too was gone. He was sweating and shaking. He had never imagined how grief could nearly destroy him. He was uncertain if he wanted to continue but it was the last mirror he couldn't stop now. "What's wrong with him," one of the doctors asked "High fever, onset of pneumonia and his doctor was waiting on a tests about how his kidney and ... " said the paramedic. "Well it looks like he is pickled, I wonder if he even wants help, we will stitch him up and next week he will be here again after nearly drinking himself to ..." Chris who had just joined them and interrupted bruskly "You are a doctor, you are here to save lives, not to judge them, and if you must know the facts. He lost his boyfriend violently not too long ago, he just lost his way." The second doctor looked at the chart, "Snyder, any relation to the Luke Snyder on the investors board?" Chris sighed and said "One and the same." Again the haze and this time the Luke in the mirror was in his hospital room, and time passed and the family formed a constant rotation he was never alone. It was Noah who was there when he opened his eyes. "Hey, your awake. Let me just call the doctor." Luke held Noah's hand, "What happened? Was I in an accident? The last thing I remember was you dropping the video tapes I had just spent hours sorting." Noah seemed torn "Let me get a doctor" Again it as if time floated past and Luke would get glimpses of himself being told some things to try to get his memory to come back. The reason for his partial amnesia was attributed to various factors his depression, alcohol abuse, oxygen deprivation it could be a mix of all of them. The thing he had the most difficulty accepting was his relationship with Noah, he still had memories of his family, of growing up with them but Noah who had been extremely important to his life for the past few years and all he remembered was the two or three times they had talked and that he found him cute. Lily, Holden and Chris wondered if this was actually a blessing in disguise as this would allow his body time to recover as his mind caught up and maybe gather enough strength to handle all the pain when he finally recovered his memory and remembered being shot, Noah's accident and also Reid. Time passed and the Luke in the mirror had tried to piece his life together, he would get small flashes of memory, remember snippets here and there, he would ask the whole family hundred of questions even visiting Damian several times. Damian taking advantage of Luke's amnesia and how the doctors and family seemed to shy away from all the traumatic information, not telling him about Damian's part in the Holden fake death and the deception that led to his marriage to Lily. To find out anything he could about his life and see if one of the many new bits of information would act like a key to his forgotten memories. It was in one of these many lengthy conversations that he had asked Noah, what were his parents names and if he had brothers or sisters. As Noah uttered the words "My fathers name is Colonel Winston Mayer and my Mom ...", he saw himself collapsed and Noah rushed over. Luke had a rush of memories that filled his mind, seeing everything his other self saw. Noah's father. In the caos that followed the shooting and before they were able to hide in the elevator Luke had heard the name Colonel Mayer and that they better find his son. The police had suspected that some of the group had escaped which was confirmed some time later when a few of the gang handed themselves in as they were hunted by some of the most ruthless assassins in the world. Some suspected Luke had sent them, or even Damian who after having reconciled with Luke wanted revenge. It wasn't until one of the gunmen was captured that they discovered it was Colonel Mayer, who had been the cause of the attack he had escaped and the gang thought his son would know where he was as he had information they wanted. Noah was supposed to be at the fund-raiser but his plane was delayed. The colonel's retaliation been swift not because they had attacked Noah, they discovered later, but because the Colonel feared that Noah may have talked about the cabin they had used when Noah was younger which he had used as a hideout. When they found out the Colonel had disowned Noah and tried to have him killed to protect himself, the police were able to find him and he died in the crossfire not having successfully ordered the hit on Noah.

Luke saw his other self memories and remembered the shooting but the time until the funeral and the last few months were still a blur. He remembered his relationship with Noah, the break-up the falling in love with Reid. Then all the little things with Reid, how romantic he was, he would give Luke a white Frangipani every day until they married after he proposed in Hawaii at a conference on medical care, Lukes' lei was made from Frangipani which Reid said turned Lukes hair golden. On their wedding day Reid gave Luke a white gold tie clip in the shape of a Frangipani. Luke remembered the fun he had driving Reid crazy with his outlook on life. Reid had helped Luke become a confident and self assured adult, he brought out the best in him. Luke in turn softened Reids fortress he had around his heart. Discovering the various protective walls all told a story, from the fact of loosing his parents as an young teen, being being taken in by a Gran he loved and loosing her slowly to a inoperable brain tumour, he had been interested in medicine but then it became his life, even though he skipped through his medical course at breakneck speed he was not able to save her. The pain he felt made him decide to never feel anything for anyone ever again the pain of loosing them was too great. He had flings, one night stands but nothing remotely serious until Luke. He felt himself fall hard, and the more he realized that he liked Luke the more he pushed him away. Fate had stepped in and both Reid and Luke were happy, they had arguments constantly, but they knew that no matter how much they fought and bickered they loved each other. These memories had passed through both Luke's minds it was as if to show the Luke who had entered the mirrors what could have been. After Luke's recovery he accepted Noah's offer to move to California with him. A new city would not have constant reminders of Reid, and with time Luke fell in love with Noah again , but he had changed, he was more self assured even ruthless in business, he would continue working with his foundation and writing keeping as busy as Noah with his directing. Luke would later branch into production and become one of the big movie producers. Noah loved him and he loved Noah, but the dynamic had changed, Luke did not define himself in relation to Noah. This made them stronger but Noah, always felt that he was the second choice, especially when he realized Luke wore the same tie clip every day, shaped like a flower, when he asked Luke about it he had a sad smile and said it brought him luck. Several years later at Ethan's wedding, Luke was off dancing with a group of their nieces or nephews Noah had begged to rest a little. Ethan and Noah were talking while they rested a little, "You and Luke are still happy together, still in love after all these years, that's what I want, the perfect couple" Ethan sighed. Noah looked sad as he answered, "No couple is perfect, ... " "Come on, look at you " Ethan interrupted. " Like I said no couple is perfect. I realized when I was researching film locations with my cinematographer Ingmar in a site I was using they had an old article on Reid and a ground-breaking surgery he had performed, I remembered how devastated Luke was when Reid died, you were very young so you don't remember but it destroyed him. I realized that I went insane when I thought I would never be able to film again, I destroyed every chance with Luke and ruined what we had, took stupid risks because I thought my film making had to come first. The thing is only after loosing Luke did I realize I might have had my priorities wrong. The thing is, Luke found that Reid put him first, he died saving Luke so how can you compete with someone who can never make another mistake, who risked everything for their love. I know Luke loves me but I always wonder if he loves me like he loved Reid, so Ethan don't waste time with things that aren't important, make sure Hallie knows you love her every day and be happy, never let her feel that she is a consolation prize. Just because she knows you love her does not mean you don't have to tell her everyday." seeing the pity and sadness in Ethans eyes made him stop. "Enough soul searching and melancholy, this is a party lets go show the kids how to dance." Luke had come to get Noah to dance with him, heard the last confession caught up with Noah. "I didn't know you still felt so insecure after all these years, I love you Noah, I won't lie I loved Reid two, but to say who I love more is impossible. Imagine having to choose which of our children we love most or which parent, we love them differently but the same, never doubt I love you." Noah smiled, for the first time in years it seemed he was confident in his and Luke's future. He felt the rush of warmth around his heart like when he first heard Luke say those words. "You said our children?" Noah whispered, Luke smiled, "Well if you think we can do it with our busy lives, I would like to try, later we can talk to someone about what is the best option, but you seem to like the idea." Noah was overjoyed, how could his life change so drastically in a few minutes.

Luke was in the room again, the mirrors were gone, and then he felt himself sink. Then he heard a lot of noise and realized it was the alarm. He woke up cradled in Reid's arms, with Reid looking at him something he did often, as if he wished to memorize every feature and line on Luke's face. "You, get in late?" "About 2" replied Reid. "You would think that since there are two Chiefs of Staff your work load would be smaller, using you as backup while Chris recovered was supposed to be temporary" Luke said sleepily. "Well it was the board that decided since we worked so well together with Chris dealing with the mushy things like feelings and I'm the bad guy everyone fears so do what I tell them worked so well they made it permanent. You should know that, you voted for it" Reid joked. "I thought you and Chris had worked out a schedule." "We did, just a special case." Luke would have asked about the case but he was still thinking about the dream as he watched Reid got ready, they had been together for 10 years and he still loved to see him move. Luke was happy he got to see Damian again, he had been killed in a prison riot that had resulted in a further 12 inmate deaths, it was then that Chris' heart failed and he had to have a heart transplant and while looking through his transcripts some time later he accidentally found out he had received Damian's heart, he confided in Reid and in turn both had decided to tell Luke who though estranged from his father had been shocked at his death. Noah became what he wanted most a successful director, he won nearly every award imaginable even two Oscars. Then he met Ingmar Dahl, a Swedish actor who auditioned for one of his movies, he and Noah hit it off and while talking about their great love of cinema and how Ingmar was trying acting while he studied at film school as his true passion was cinematography. It was only later when they were dating that Noah discovered he was Vienna's brother. Noah took Ingmar to spend Thanksgiving at the Snyder farm just as a friend and co-worker, as he could not go home for the holiday due to lack of time. the first time Noah returned to Oakdale was for Damian's funeral and finding out Luke was still his brother as Damian had not signed the documents annulling the adoption. The tension between them disappeared over time and Luke and Noah become true brothers and Reid a good friend. Ethan's wedding was the first time he introduced Ingmar to the family as his boyfriend, it was a huge party with nearly all the Oakdale families present. Ingmar was surprised to see Henry there, Noah had told him he lived in Oakdale but he learned that Henry's wife Barbara was Ethan's wife's grandmother, within a few hours Ingmar was more confused then he thought possible. Life continued to be as complicated as always. "Noah are you happy?" Luke asked. "Yes, Ingmar shares my passion for cinema I can talk to him for hours and never feel bored, I love him." Noah confessed, "He loves you too, you can see it in the way he looks at you, I hope you'll be very happy." The hugged and after a bit more partying Luke and Reid left. The next morning Luke and Reid woke up early as was their custom Luke turned towards Reid, "The kids will be up in an hour what do you want to do until then?" The twinkle appeared in Reids eyes "I'm open for suggestions ..."


End file.
